Post.

The last 48 hours have been crazy.
I'll attempt to cover everything here, but it might take a while. :-)

First, GRADUATION.
Getting there was the hardest part. Liz's parents bought her a brand new VW Bug for graduation, so we decided to drive it to UVSC. The only problem was that none of us knew how to drive a stick shift car. We put on our hazard lights and stalled all the way there, and people were honking and screaming. It was kind of funny, except for the part when we realized we were going to be late. Luckily, my neighbor, Connor, saw us struggling and hopped in the car to park it for us. I've never been so grateful to the kid in my life. We literally ran through the parking lot in our huge white robes, dropping things and balancing on our high heels, and made it just in time to take our places in line.
The ceremony wasn't what I thought it would be- I didn't cry or hug everyone or freak out when my name was called to receive my diploma folder. I sat there calmly, listening to my friends speak, and even fell asleep during the school board representative's inspirational story. It was like any other assembly, with no real sentimental meaning. We took pictures and got our real diplomas afterward, which was cute, and then my mom and I went out to get lunch. She gave me beautiful diamond earrings set in 14k gold! They're gorgeous.

Later that night, we got a bunch of people together to watch the Lost finale. It was a good ending to the season, and I was really happy that we were able to watch it with Kyle, Chandler and Hyung. They're so much fun. I love being around them.

After Lost, it was time for the Senior All-Night Party, which was being hosted at Timpview by the PTA parents (my mom included). We showed up on time, as did most people, and spent a last few hours with the members of our senior class. :-( There was tons of free food, prize drawings every so often (my friend won a laptop!), dancing, karaoke, and game show simulations. I totally could have won the game show if I'd have been chosen! I watched it with Daniel, Ben and Joe, my nerd friends from 8th period, and we had fun yelling out random answers and making up nerdy ways of saying the real ones (ex: integral notation for a measurement conversion). I'll miss those kids. The Friendship I took tons of pictures (all of which hit Facebook within 24 hours) and sang Backstreet Boys for karaoke. It was a fun party, made special by the fact that we'll probably never see half of those people ever again. When the party ended, we all made our way to the movie theater, where we watched the new Indiana Jones film. It was ridiculous- all about evil Communist Russians and aliens with elongated crystal heads. We sat through it, though, and it ended around 5 AM, after which Louisa and I went to Parker Dobson's house to watch Cloverfield with he and some other boys. Everyone fell asleep except me and Tom Smith, which was kind of funny. After the movie, the others woke up, and we lay on couches talking disorientedly about random things until 8:30 AM, when we were picked up. I've never spent the night at a boy's house before, so the experience was exciting (though I lay on a couch on the opposite side of the room from the boys the whole time).

I got home and went swimsuit shopping so I'd have something to wear in Newport (the Friendship leaves Monday) and then went out to eat with my parents (at which point I'd gone 30+ hours without sleep). I crashed on the couch for three hours and then started a new book, Stephenie Meyer's "The Host," which I'm finding to be extremely creative. I love having time to read, and it's fun having the option to read contemporary fiction like this (I normally don't give it much consideration; I'd rather read scientific literature or classics I know I'll need to be familiar with for English). I called the Friendship, and we decided to make trifle (we ate the whole dish of it) and have a sleepover outside on the grass in my friend's backyard. It was a gorgeous night- the sky was clear and the air was cool enough to make one comfortable in a thick blanket. We set up a tarp and sleeping bags and laughed and talked for hours before going to sleep. Earlier, we'd visited Joe, Chandler, Hyung and Andy, who were also having an outside sleepover. We walked in on them watching an animated movie on a projector in Joe's backyard, all snuggled up in mounds of blankets. It made me really happy to see them- I'm just beginning to realize that the end of school doesn't have to mean the end of my friendships. We'll save that unhappy realization for the end of summer. :-( Anyway, circa 5 AM, the boys came and visited us at our sleepover to reciprocate, which was sweet.
I didn't sleep more than two hours all night; in between texting the boys and watching the sky's gradual metamorphosis from black to deep blue to grey, there was just no time. :-)

I got up at 7:30 to leave and get ready for phlebotomy class, in which I successfully drew blood from my partner's impossible veins for the first time ever, thank you very much. I've been able to get blood on different people before, but never him, so this week's success made me happy. I have good veins, so he got blood both times he drew from me. I made sure to look away and ate breakfast/drank water beforehand to prevent another vasovagal syncope incident. I like my phlebotomy class. The mix of people in there is entirely diverse, which makes for interesting interaction.

Now, it's midmorning and I am at the computer in my purple scrubs, two cotton balls taped to my antecubital fossas, and I think I'll get on with the day.

It's going to be beautiful.
I can already tell.
♥

Pre.

These are my last words as a high school student.
In exactly one hour and twelve minutes, I will be a graduate.
Congratulations, Class of 2008!!!
I'll miss you.

Odd.

Today was the last odd day, as well as Yearbook Day.

I guess my odd classes are less nostalgic; Stats was uneventful, as was World History, though did I accomplish yesterday's goal during the class period (I'm still waiting for the effects, if there will be any). In English, a group of girls and I played a Scrabble game that consisted of making nonsense words all over the board, sending us all into whimsical laughing fits, and in Med Tech, I successfully drew some kid's blood with a butterfly needle. My hands were physically shaking as I popped the Vacutainer, and my victim even commented about it. I need to be more confident, or my patients won't trust me. This year, I've realized that I give myself away through the involuntary motions of my hands- when I was just beginning as a medical assisting intern, I remember my hands trembling uncontrollably as I took my first set of vitals on a patient in the office. He noticed and kindly asked if I was new, which just made me feel worse. I know from experience that all it takes is practice for my hands to calm down, but with phlebotomy, it's hard because my practice equates to someone else's pain. I'm beginning to realize that if I want to be a phlebotomist, though, I can't allow myself to feel so terrible about hurting people. I mean, I'm practiced on all the time, so I know venipuncture doesn't hurt, but it just rips something inside me when I poke through someone's vein, especially when I don't get any blood.

I'm on a few pages in this year's yearbook for Model UN & HOSA, as well as in the background of an AP shot. I cut in line with my little brother to receive mine, and got to signing right away. I'm pretty sure I got everyone I wanted to sign my yearbook, and reading people's comments has made me smile. I can see everyone's personality through their words, as diaphanous a covering as cellophane over brightly colored candy. We are all people now, with our own opinions, beliefs, dreams, philosophies and ideas- the obscuring dust of teenage conformity has been brushed away to reveal our vivid, newly blossoming selves, which we celebrate in our words to each other, solutions composed of each person's relative concentrations of humor, specificity and sweetness. With epigrams and epithets, we immortalize this day in characteristic scripts, transfusing tiny bits of our radiant selves into the open veins of each other's final yearbooks.

Even.

I brought a camera to school today for the first time.
Memorializing my last even day in digital film made me feel a little better about the whole thing. I got a few cute pictures of my Linear Algebra class (I can't tell you how much I am going to miss my nerds!) and some of the Friendship at lunch (Los Hermanos).

These half days are simply annoyances. It's like school's already over, but there's one last thing I need to do. I just don't know how to do it. I just don't think he'd care. I'm going to try, though...we've reached the end, so I might as well, right?

Right?

I filled out a really long survey, but have no idea how to publish it as an HTML page so I can make a link. Oh, well.

Black and white.

Think the Ugly Sweater party was a success?
OUR "BLACK AND WHITE" GRADUATION PARTY BLEW IT OUT OF THE PROVERBIAL WATER.

At first, I was scared no one would come. I was setting up the poolhouse alone until 8:30, when Angel, Sky, Louisa, Liz, Katie and her cousins showed up to help me with a crash course in heavy decorating- tablecloths, plates/napkins, food, drinks, music, and black and white balloons in the pool (which looked really sweet). Inside, I was freaking out--what if we failed? What if what we'd marketed all week as being "the biggest party of the year" took an unexpected, ill-fated nosedive?

Luckily for all involved, I was dead wrong.

At the beginning (9 pm), the party was a bit awkward, but it got going really quickly and turned out to be absolutely incredible! We had over 250 people from at least 5 different schools. There was tons of food, loud music, swimming optional, and an intense pickup basketball game. Many thanks to my DJ, D-9 (Dan), who rocked an intense dance party in the back by the gazebo with spinning, colorful lights and massive speakers, all pro bono. I love that kid. This party was bigger than any high school dance I've ever been to. Every group was represented- we had the popular, preppy kids dancing and eating right along with the Latinos and the athletes and half of my Linear Algebra class. :-) And you know what? True to the theme, almost everyone dressed up. Even the people I didn't know came all decked out in black and white. WOW. Faith even overheard some kids saying things like "This is the best high school party I've ever been to!"

This second, wildly successful party has proven the Friendship to be pretty awesome hostesses.
Haha- it's too bad we reached the peak of our popularity now, when there are a whole two more days of high school left for us to enjoy it.

As for the aftermath, most of the Friendship decided to sleep over at Faith's house, and we went to Denny's at 2:30 with some friends before crashing on her floor. I had to wake up at 7, however, to make it to a HOSA breakfast.

All in all, the past 24 hours have been beyond amazing.
I'm off to take a well-deserved nap.

Penultimate.

Lately, everything seems to be prefixed by "last."

Today, we completed our "last" set of full block days in high school, on the "last" Friday. It was also Mrs. Durham's "last" day at Timpview and our "last" day of real classwork.

It was a relaxed, content school day, accompanied by the pretty violin music my friend spent all day playing in the journalism lab (trying to make up practice hours for orchestra) and accented by a delicious carrot cake, the Friendship's tradition for celebrating the last real school lunch (we'll go to Los Hermanos, the site of our other "last" lunch tradition, on Tuesday).

I wish more high school days were like this one- quite simply, everyone just seems happy to know each other, happy to be around each other for what might be the last time. In completion, we're all friendly and considerate; sure of ourselves and our diverse, immediate futures, all competitions in popularity, academics and beauty have faded in favor of a peaceful resolution. All pressure is off; for once, it's enough just to be part of our graduating class, together in positive direction and overwhelmed by the immensity of it all. We stand in consensual awe at the edge of an inscrutable threshold, knowing that in six days we will fall, absolutely alone.
This is the calm before the storm. This is the deep breath before the plunge. This is the last real day before graduation.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
I'M WRITING IN GRADUATION CLICHES!?!?
WORSE: I MEAN THEM.

I think I've let my emotional connections hypertrophy into flesh-and-blood extensions of me, and let me tell you, tearing them is really going to hurt. I don't know how I'll deal with never seeing anyone I know and like here ever again. I never knew I was this attached until now.

Loss is painful. What's worse is knowing it's coming.
MY PSYCHE NEEDS A LIDOCAINE INJECTION, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

...By the way: δ+ for today. :-)

Not yet.

Current emotion: Intensify Exponential decay.
I'm going to miss you so much.

δ+.

Today was decidedly marked by POSITIVE INTERACTION.
I assign all my days a slight charge value in terms of my interaction with the opposite sex, and today, let's just say that I, as oxygen (my electronegativity is palpable), definitely engaged in some sweet hydrogen bonding.

Wow, I'm a nerd.

In other news, I hiked a freaking mountain in high heels and a dress for AP Biology. The downhill parts were especially precarious, but I survived without being carried off in a stretcher.
Yay for a high center of gravity and years of practice.

I also got to give some medical advice. I love when I can do that...
Pt presents c bronchitis x2mo; Rx: Sig azithromycin Zpac followed by CXR if c/o no improvement.

Vasovagal syncope.

Yesterday morning, I lost consciousness in public.
There's a first time for everything, right? ;)

I was at phlebotomy class, and this guy was practicing on my right median cubital vein. He tied the tourniquet, prepped the area, inserted the needle correctly, and popped the Vacutainer. Everything was going well, until he removed the needle with the Vacutainer still attached. Bad idea. My blood got vacuumed out of my vein and made a big pool in my antecubital fossa. It was dripping down my arm, dark and deoxygenated, and I was just sitting there waiting for him to fix it, which he did. After we cleaned up my blood (the guy apologizing profusely all the while) I went to stand up to watch the next group try. I was fine for a few minutes, but I started getting that sparkly feeling in my head and around the edges of my field of vision. I'm usually really good at fighting it off, but I hadn't had anything to eat or drink for over twelve hours, so it overcame me really quickly and I lost consciousness. I awoke on the floor, feeling like I'd slept for a very long time. I remember opening my eyes to the group of worried pre-phlebotomists, with my teacher quickly elevating my legs on a chair. I asked "Dude, did I pass out?" and tried to stand up, but everyone pushed me down so I wouldn't lose it again. Lying on the floor, I started giggling uncontrollably. I mean, the whole thing was just so funny! I actually passed out! I think everyone else thought I was psychologically overreacting, though, because no one laughed with me. After reassuring them that I really was all right, I got the story from my partner, to whom I was talking as I lost consciousness. He said I kind of kept talking and slumped forward, nearly hitting my head on the desk in front of me as I fell to the ground. I was apparently only out for a few seconds, but it felt like forever.

Maybe that's what we need to do to those poor doctors who work such long hours in residency...induce vasovagal syncope, and they'll feel like they've gotten a good night's sleep.

All in all, it was a great experience--almost euphoric, in a way.
I need to make sure it doesn't happen again, though--I don't want to undermine my credibility.

Party.

We [the Friendship] are having another party.
I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm the lucky hostess.
I just hope it goes well.
My friends are confident, riding on the outrageous success of our Ugly Sweater party in December, but I'm not so sure. We'll try and make it fun, no matter what, but I don't want to be embarrassed- especially if the person I like shows up. The theme is Black and White, which should be kind of sweet...
I guess we'll see.
I wish this weren't so difficult for me.

Shh.

Today was a quiet day for me, the kind where I talk only inside myself and everyone else just looks and looks. So I look back, holding my words inside like a soft, dense occlusion in my chest, obscuring my airways. It isn't a relaxed silence; it's fluid, dynamic--beautifully and perfectly controlled, concentrated in an airtight embrace by me and me alone. Words feel full and warm under my diaphragm's care, and I take pride in not letting them escape, because today they are just mine.

BIO.

The AP Bio test was today...yeah.
As the pathologically overprepared nerd I am, it was pretty exhilarating not knowing how to even guess at two parts of the 4 FRQs--my class never even began to cover the material they were asking for. I just stared and stared...and then wrote a little story about myself, drew an anatomically correct heart, and gave the readers the address to this blog site. AP readers, if you are reading this (circa July), welcome to my world!
Anyway, it doesn't matter what I get on this test. I can't use any credit I earn--I have to take a different intro biology class for my major, and it's unwaivable. Haha. I think I'll pass, but I'm not sure. The MC went well, but I left 5 blank, and I answered almost all of the FRQs well, except for those two obscure parts. However, I'm kicking myself for not answering all parts of a question I knew (which I realized after the test) and for going a little far with the THIS IS SPARTA campaign. Oh, well. It's over.

This was my last AP test...ever. Wow. I didn't think I'd get nostalgic, but I'm really going to miss sealing those MC booklets. My seals were always so perfect. It's my favorite part of the testing period. No more AP student labels located in the AP student packs, no more endless directions to be endured as the other kids filled out everything you'd already finished...okay, I won't miss that. But I'll admit it--though ridiculously monopolistic, I really liked AP testing. Just knowing that thousands of kids all over the nation were writing the same things I was, at the same time, to be read by the same people...
I love being part of a demographic--high school nerds, college applicants, etc.
It's unifying, in a way.

LA.

The AP Lit test was today, and I think I did pretty well, all things considered. I know it's a difficult test, though, because there are a lot of good writers out there, so I don't want to make any score predictions just yet.
I like feeling good after standardized tests.
I'm really not ready for the Bio one, though.

My last-period Linear Algebra class constitutes our school's intellectual playground, the Realm of the Uber-Nerds, where obscure knowledge is celebrated, not mocked. I can't think of any place I'd rather be. We talk and play, argue and draw, diagram, program, research, graph, challenge, explain, laugh, and tease. Among the ten of us, we have four National Merit Scholarships, a set of perfect ACT/SAT scores, over 30 AP 5's, the positions of valedictorian and salutatorian, multiple national recognitions in math, science, medicine and computer programming, and tens of thousands of dollars in scholarship money. We disassemble things to throw them against walls, watching them smash, again and again. We explicate everything from subatomic particles and music composition to brilliant literature and independent film, exposing our personalities with our beautifully intricate toys: electric currents, chemicals, sterile needles, tubes of iron, magnets and geometric cubes. In this group, we all belong; we are part of each other, together, the collective embodiment of eighteen-year-old potential.

Today, even though all of us had been extracurricular-excused for AP Lit, we had nearly 100% attendance. I found a butterfly needle in my purse, so I practiced venipuncture in effigy.

In that class, there's always someone who can answer your questions. Usually, I ask about physics and answer about medicine. I like having things explained to me, and I like explaining them to others.

Nerds ftw!
♥ ♥ ♥

Yay!

Ah!
Guess who just got another scholarship?!?

My running total:
* Four years of full tuition (BYU)
* $2500 (National Merit)
* $2500 (Utah Hospital Association)
* $150 (DATC)
* $2000 (National HOSA)

= $7150 + full tuition (and counting??)

Yay!

Enigma.

Here's a short creative piece I wrote today. It's kinda fun and dramatic. :-)
Can you figure out the subject?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We stand in hushed silence, hands clasped, outside. Some offer weak conversation, which falls flat against the crushing gravity of the situation, echoing as it strikes our collective apprehension, resounding hollow and sick against impermeable doors.

“We’re ready for you now.”

Eyes widen, hands tremble, faces lock. We assemble, linear, in accordance with strict instructions. With us, we can have only what the Maker allows us to keep. Handing over all but a few of our possessions, we allow them to be locked away without a sound, then stand in submission, waiting for direction. One wrong move and we could be struck from the record. Voided. Reported, anomalous. Torn to pieces as if we were never there. It’s easier to stay silent, eyes focused downward. Speak only when spoken to. Touch only what has been approved. We cannot leave the room for any reason. If one escapes, the rest are punished. Voided. Reported, anomalous. Torn to pieces as if we were never there.

We act in archaic, sacred ritual, as one, in accordance with the voice, picking up and turning over and putting down, a nation in unison, sharing the silence, shaping it to fit our purposes. Some make sculptures. Others make symbols. I make words. All become faceless offerings to the Maker, who will judge them according to their merit, in reward or punishment, our essence in effigy, packaged for professional preoccupation. I like my words. They stand strong and upright on our collective medium. So when the time is up I remove the seals and close them in, a million hands gliding against the thick paper, a vivid, diverse rainforest were it not for the terrible conformity, crushing us against the iron bell.

I smash near the far right, one of the lucky ones.

Lexicophalangeodynia.

The fourth finger on my left hand keeps clunking across the keyboard and hitting multiple letters, so I'm trying to keep it from touching the keys as I type...it's an interesting tactical game.

My finger has sustained the first and only AP Test-Related Injury (lexicophalangeodynia? ♥ med terms) of which I have heard. Maybe I'll become an urban legend. The incident occurred just after the ritual sealing of the multiple choice test, when I took the initiative to open the box of muffin tops my Stats teacher had bought for us. I sliced the top of my finger on the box (wow, can I be any more of a nerd?) and started bleeding quite profusely. (Man, why couldn't I have bled like that when we were doing microhematocrits in Med Tech??) Ha. I showed the test proctor, and she looked scared and confused. I mean, I doubt Dealing With Mid-Test Injuries is a section of the proctor manual. Luckily, a happily overprepared friend of mine had a box of Care Bear band-aids, of which I was very happy to partake. Otherwise, I'd have bled through the free response questions...which might actually have been cool (though my test may have been discarded due to risk for possible bloodborne illnesses). I could have written "THIS IS SPARTA!" in blood before I crossed it out.

I did write THIS IS SPARTA! four times, in hilarious and fitting contexts (can you make that word plural?), which induced a state of uncharacteristic ecstasy. Anything crossed out is considered "not part of the response," so I feel pretty safe about giving my AP readers a laugh (that is, if they've seen "300." Otherwise, they may just think I've undergone psychological combustion).
"A P-value of <0.01 indicates that THIS IS SPARTA! our result is significant..."
"...leading the researcher to conclude that THIS IS SPARTA! her hypothesis..."
"...prefer this area because THIS IS SPARTA! it is more probable that..."

HA.
EAT OVERLY DRAMATIC SPARTAN HUMOR, COLLEGEBOARD.
...but don't penalize me for it.

I also drew a really awesome picture of a moose fleeing a fiery forest.
Before today, I had no idea I couldn't draw moose. Or fire.
Thank you, AP Program. You teach me something new every day.

By the way, what is the plural possessive form of "moose?"
Ex: dog -- dogs -- dogs'
moose -- moose -- ????

*Disclaimer: This post does not reveal any free response secrets. There is absolutely no way to glean any significant information about any questions or their answers from my ramblings (except that one involves moose, but that is not test-significant at the alpha = .05 level).

Roar.

I am CAREER WOMAN.
Fear my job seeking skills.

I've gotten two favorable replies to my CV for online editing jobs (but I'll have to teach myself APA formatting...um.), I start phlebotomy certification on Saturday (which comes with a 40-hr. externship through IHC, exponentially increasing my chances to work in the hospital), and I've just replied to a craigslist posting that needs someone to write patient-friendly text for medical brochures.

AP tests are this week, but seem trivial...for once, I'm involved in bigger things. Real world > High school.

Application.

Last night, I finished my editing job application. I hope the format was all right; the company I'm applying for is UK-based, so I know things are a bit different as far as curricula vitae go (Is that the correct Latin plural??). I had a little too much fun with my cover letter, so we'll see if I merit a trial document. I always get carried away with things like that. I can't help it. I love to write.

I'm about 90% sure I'll be starting my phlebotomy certification next Saturday. I want to work at Utah Valley Regional, but spots there are hard to come by, so I might apply at a few sponsored labs or clinics until something opens up. Being a phlebotomist is a specialized, good-paying job with the added benefit of being able to satisfy my sadistic side because I'll be dealing with needles, blood, and fun little Vacutainers. Yay! It's perfect for college (and with my MA certification being finished as well, I'll be a competitive job applicant).

Okay. I'm going to force myself to care about my impending AP tests. Study time.

Tangible.

It's amazing what a difference small class sizes can make.
Today was Senior Skip Day, and in true overachiever fashion, I attended nearly every class. Call me a nerd, but today was actually one of the best school days I've had yet. In Stats, we had four students, and I was the only one who did the homework, so I basically got a personal study session with the teacher (our AP test is Tuesday; this was really nice). I skipped World History to go home and eat breakfast (which I regretted later; I heard it was fun) but went to English, which was very conversational (rare in that class) and relaxed. I wrote a practice poetry AP essay and was able to get specific, personal feedback on the spot from my teacher, which was immensely helpful. Med Tech was the best, though; we learned phlebotomy, and there were five of us there, so each of us got the chance to practice on a fake arm the entire time instead of having to wait in long, chaotic lines and worry about switching off. I was a natural! Haha. Really, though, I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I am very good at venipuncture. I was able to get "blood" the first time I tried, every time (butterfly needles and normal ones), and everyone was watching me and asking for tips. It was great. I think being a phlebotomist would be a fun college job, and I'm seriously considering becoming certified. We also did microhematocrits, where I got to stab myself with an autolet and spin a tube of my blood in a centrifuge, separating my plasma from my cells. I've never seen my plasma before, and it was beautifully surreal.

Moral of the story: small class sizes = fun, relaxed atmosphere = better, more personal learning.
♥

Brief.

I love it when you talk to me.
It makes my whole entire day.
Today was just like it used to be.
You being animated breathes life into me.
I really shouldn't give you such control.