Energy.

I have to admit, I was doubtful.
Doubtful that after pulling an all-nighter to finish my research paper--one of my all-life favorites, an anthropomorphic biography of the Arabic language under the laws of the repressive Israeli state--that I could stay up another ten or twelve hours to study for a final I'd almost totally neglected. Doubtful that a bottle of B vitamins, ginseng, and caffeine would actually wake me up. Doubtful that the guy at the gas station from whom I bought it knew what he was talking about. Doubtful about how I would feel during and after.

I did the whole thing in a single shot in front of my roommates, and everyone cringed as it went down. It tasted like sour, electrified cranberry juice. Walking out of my apartment, I remained unimpressed. I wasn't feeling anything, and I was still totally exhausted. But just about seven minutes after ingestion, as I drove to find a parking place on campus, I began to grin. All of a sudden, I just had to turn up the music really, really loud. I smiled really big. And for the next five hours I felt fantastic.

I memorized a fourteen-page study guide comprising the history of the Middle East since the Cold War and formulated preliminary arguments for my Blue Book essays, then zoomed into the testing room and knocked out the exam. The only side effect I can observe is the continuous nervous twitching of my foot. I can't help but move it up and down and up and down and up and down. I guess I just have excess energy--which, after close to 40 hours awake, is a freaking miracle.

For a girl who drinks nothing but water, one bottle of 5 Hour Energy Extra Strength after such an important all-nighter is nothing less than a godsend.

THANK YOU, COMPULSIVE AMERICAN WORK ETHIC, FOR SUSTAINING A MARKET FOR THIS KIND OF THING.