Why am I so okay with being alone?
Shouldn't I care? Everyone else does.
Shouldn't I want people around me, people with which I can laugh, cry, play, share?
And yet...I don't.
I truly, honestly, completely don't.
I am physically lacking the need for companionship that so consumes those I associate with. It simply isn't there. I'm beginning to think it never was.
And yet this feeling isn't impermeable. Every so often, I catch myself thinking, "I wish you would pay attention to me." Soon, though, whatever makes up me kicks in, bitterly commenting, "To what end?" The desire is no more than a social construct to which I know I should adhere. I'm no more than an act of performative identity, hypocrisy incarnate.
To what end indeed.
Ashes to ashes.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
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1 comment:
Well, companionship isn't just a social construct. After all, to attain the Celestial Kingdom, you need an eternal companion. So it is inherent in us.
But I feel the same way, to some degree. And there are so many people who do treat it as simply a social construct.
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