Impermanence.

Professional.
Capable.
Ambitious.
Confident.
Mature.
Loyal.
Sharp.
Practical.
Bitingly intelligent.
Sweet (but only to me).
[Today, somebody asked me what I wanted my husband to be like.]

I'm coming to realize that the most significant truth I've learned from high school is my newfound familiarity with impermanence.
Before high school, everything in your life is pretty much constant. It's only when things start irreparably dissolving that you truly start to appreciate the fact that they existed in the first place. This sounds like a simple realization, but it's more than that on so many different levels, and I've learned the hard way that it can only be dealt with through raw experience:
Some things can never be regained, no matter how hard you (c)ry.

Superficially, there is a natural intolerance lost; I'm now entirely indifferent to major underage substance abuse on infinitely many levels.

I have said and done things that will live with me for the rest of my life.

There have been things said to me that have incurred a pain I'll never forget.

There are relationships that have been damaged permanently, and no matter how hard I try, things will never go back to the way they were.

And then there are some people I will honestly never see again after May 29.
Ever.

I'm standing at the edge of the void.
I'm scared.