Dear Free Food Gods,

Thanks for showing me so much love lately, but can we cut back? I'm trying to be healthy.

I go to Jamba Juice and order the smallest smoothie on the menu. The girl comes out with a huge cup saying, "Sorry, I made too much! I put it in a larger cup for you." I go to the Cougareat for breakfast and order two eggs and one slice of toast. The girl comes back with my plate saying, "Sorry, I made your eggs over hard instead of over easy, so now you get both!" I look down and see that not only do I have four eggs, she's doubled my toast order. I get home from school and my live-in gourmet chef/roommate says, "Hey! I made this fantastic ice cream from scratch! I made it out of heavy cream, homemade ricotta cheese, and lots of eggs, but I ended up with way too much. The rest (a mostly-full mixing bowl) is all for you!" My mom calls and invites me to Macaroni Grill for dinner. I order an innocuous plate of mushroom ravioli, but the server keeps bringing out loaf after loaf of that fantastic bread with the olive oil and fresh ground pepper even after we tell him to stop. And you can't just let that stuff sit there.

Please, Free Food Gods. I'm so grateful for your patronage, but I can actually hear myself getting fatter. I am starting to look like this:

Can we take it down a notch?
(starting tomorrow, because tonight Coleman's making cheesecake)