LONG.

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Ms. Sagers, tell us a little about your future. Rumor has it you're going in a new direction.

Well, as of now I'm planning to graduate in Linguistics with an emphasis in Arabic. I will minor in Chemistry.

. . . What do you mean? Won't that take forever?

No. With all my language experience, my counselor says she can get me in and out of the Linguistics major in seven classes, and I just have one more class to take for my Chem minor. I expect to complete my bachelor's degree in April 2014 at age 23.

. . . Age 23? Why?

I'm going on a mission. I decided.

I know, right? You didn't expect that.
I'll be 21 next August and I'll put my papers in this coming May.

What do you mean? Just where is your rationale for this decision?

For a while now I've been freaking out. Everything's happening too fast, and I feel like I'm hurtling toward something I don't even know if I want--something that costs fifteen years of full-time work and hundreds of thousands of dollars. This coming summer I'd either have to put in my applications for medical school or my mission papers. I haven't considered going on a mission since I was a little girl; I just never thought it was in the cards for me. But this feels right. I need time. I need time away from school and time away from the future I always thought I wanted. I need time to focus on other people. I need to grow. I am not ready to make a thirty-year decision in the next four months. So much has changed in just the last two months--my major, my interests, my goals--I can't speak for myself or the way I'll feel in five years, let alone ten. What if I get married? What if I go to medical school and make it halfway through residency before deciding I want to have a baby? Once I have a baby, what if I want to stay home and teach things to my baby? That constitutes neglecting an extremely expensive education and leaves me hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. What if I work for a while? What if I work myself out of debt and want to leave work? I can see myself trying so hard to be the best at being a physician and the best at being a mom and killing myself in the process because those two things are almost mutually exclusive. Don't get me wrong. Some people do it. I just don't know if I want to be one of those people. I've known that for years but haven't allowed myself to really think about it until now--now that medical school is becoming real, now that I have the resume for it, now that I have the GPA, the premedical coursework, and a MCAT date. I can apply in June and receive a white coat the following year.

For me that is way too soon. I cannot make a decision like that yet.

I need time. So I'm taking some.

What will you do when you return?

In all honesty, I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong. I want to go to medical school, more than almost anything. It's all I've wanted for years. I'd love to be a physician and I think I have the capacity to excel in the field. The career fits my personality and I think I'd enjoy the entire process. If my life were just about me, there'd be no question about whether or not I should go. If my life were just about me, I'd take the most specialized surgical residency, stay in school for twenty more years, and live at the hospital until I retired--because I would honestly like that. But I have to consider more than myself, and that's a scary thought. If I take a gamble on getting married sometime between age 23 and 29, I need to take a different route. I could go to PA school. I could spend some time in a hospital (neonatal occupational therapy?) or get a Ph.D. in Arabic literature or one in stem cell physiology. I could take the LSAT and end up in law school; I could take the MCAT and decide to go to medical school. I could take an internship at Disney, work for a few years, and get an MBA. My resume supports all of these choices. After all these years of surety, I'm just beginning to realize that I don't know what I really want. I have never explored any other career options.

So what will you do now?

For now, I will proceed as planned. I'll finish up my organic chemistry sequence so if I do choose to enter medical school when I return (and, hey, there's a good chance) my premedical resume will be rock solid. I won't study for the MCAT this spring, but I'll compile all my notes and study materials so I'll be able to take it easily when I return if I so choose. I won't take the Medical School Application class I have planned for the winter; instead, I'll take a law lecture series, just to see what I've been missing, and a Mission Prep class. I'll put in my papers after the end of Winter Semester and hopefully leave sometime in August.

. . . You're crazy. You might be ruining everything you've worked so hard to build.

Maybe. Really. But I'm excited for this change. A mission is an experience you only get to have once. Yes, I'm freaked out. But yes, I think this is the best choice for me. Because I need time. As my parents remind me, I'm only twenty years old. And I'm a year younger than my school colleagues; I graduated high school at 17. If I want to go to medical school, I can do it. And I mean, I can do it and still fit in with the class that's coming straight from a four-year bachelor's degree--they'd come out of school at 22 or 23, and I'd enter at 23. I still have the resume for whatever I want to do. Time's not running out, even though sometimes it seems that way.

Are you happy?

I think so.
And that's a big deal, for me.