Direction.

By popular request, I held a well-attended test review session for my biology class last night, where I talked through everything from chi-square tests for Mendelian ratios to population ecology and the finer points of meiotic cell division. I had a good number of people sitting before me on the basement floor as I scribbled all over our white board, defining terms, elaborating on concepts and providing relevant examples as requested. These days, I genuinely like to teach. It's a way to feel important, to feel necessary and even impressive. Since coming to college, I don't get much recognition anymore--in huge lecture classes, I have no chance to actively expand the things I know in front of a teacher or group of students, which is the way I learn best. Being a math tutor over the summer really fine-tuned my teaching techniques, I guess; before then, I felt like I couldn't adequately explain anything. Now, I don't get frustrated when people can't understand--it's a fun and interesting challenge to present material in different ways, and I honestly enjoy explaining the things I love to people who care to listen.

*Self esteem 1up*

I got some nice compliments from my biology teacher today. I went after class to ask whether he needed a TA for next semester, but he isn't teaching the bio class I'm in again until next fall. :-( "I'd take you as a TA in a heartbeat, though," he told me, grinning. "Can you wait around till next fall?"
He also said I would be a good Genetics TA after I'd taken the class (PWSci 340). We got into an interesting conversation about learning styles and educational philosophy, and I told him some of my ideas for utilizing Fridays in our class (currently, the TA does a superficial review and we get out early, but if I were the TA, I'd prepare an actual lesson based on an interesting, real-life example and use that as means for review while teaching new concepts and applications at the same time). He seemed to like my ideas, and asked me a little about myself, my major and my life plans. Upon hearing my current/future schedule, he asked if he could give me some advice. "You are bright enough to blow through BYU in three years," he said, "but don't do it. Take your time. Have some fun. Meet some people." Basically, this is what my parents have been saying to me for the past three months. People keep telling me this--I should probably listen, but it's hard for me because I see the world through such clear-cut lenses: I know exactly what I want (medical school), and I know exactly how to get it (kill myself with three straight years of perfect classwork, service learning, mentored research, heavy scheduling, etc.). It's that simple for me. I see my goal, and I see a clear path to reach my goal. It would tear me to pieces not to step on every last cobblestone I've ordered so perfectly to provide me with the most efficient path from Point A to Point B.

Hopefully, though, my biology teacher will prove right: "You're bright enough to do anything you want to do, Jessica. Just make sure to have a little fun in the process."