Marginalized.

Today, I received my scholarship offer from BYU. Four years, full tuition.
I'm pleased, but not ecstatic.
It was exactly what I was expecting, nothing more.
I'm glad I'm not one of those people who gets really broken up over things like this. I mean, I'm extremely competitive, so I hate to lose, but that's the only thing that bothers me about all of this. I'm really a lot calmer than I thought I might be, to the point where I can say "Oh, well" and mean it. At least the anticipation's over.
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to have no expectations, and for this, I can say I truly didn't. I never expected to win. Losing, then, is exponentially less painful than it could have been.
What will hurt is if there's someone else from Timpview who got what I wanted, but there's nothing I can do about that.
I just need to realize that I am what I am, nothing more, and if that isn't enough, I'm just going to have to deal with it.
I realize that I can be my best even if it doesn't equate to being the best, but I can't tell you it makes me feel any better.

Well, what's done is done.
I surprise myself by realizing I'm actually okay with that.

What's weird is the fact that I'm going to have to absolutely reestablish my public image for college. I'm going to have to engage in some serious competition to prove myself academically, which will be interesting, to say the least. I mean, everybody here knows me well enough to assume that I know what I'm talking about (which is not always the case, but it's nice to have the connotation). In college, all my high school preconceptions will be thrown out the window, and I'm going to have to work to build credibility among my peers.
Sure, it's a scary prospect, but with some luck, I think it'll become a motivation.
I can do it if I devote all of myself to it.
Whether or not it's a good thing, I still believe I can.
Here's to hoping I'm not pathetically mistaken.