Medicine.

original

I'm learning here, and I'm learning in the way medicine is taught: "See one, do one, teach one." In the lab, I'm an adult, and I'm responsible for all of my work and all of my logistics. I have two professors in my lab, two pediatric endocrinologists that have to deal with me accidentally sucking Iscove's modified Dulbecco's medium with fetal calf serum into the pipette filter or accidentally equating AsCre amplification primers to As amplification primers. One of my professors--the one technically in charge of me--is laid back and down to earth. She's comfortable to talk to, very intelligent, very opinionated, and very organized. The other professor scares me. :-) Well, he doesn't scare me. But he does intimidate me, and I think he does it on purpose. He's obviously brilliant and very good at teaching clinical skills (a quality I've never before encountered...so this is what it's like). Around him, I want to get everything right, but let's just say that doesn't always happen. He pulled me aside the other day and basically told me that I come with more experience than most of the other interns the lab has had, and because of this I need to take more responsibility. I need to ramp up my efforts, to outline new projects and always have something going--basically step up in a way in which I didn't think I was qualified, and if I can do that, there is the possibility of coauthorship on an upcoming paper. I honestly don't know what to think. He's such an experienced communicator that I walked out of the meeting with mixed feelings--I can't decide whether his words were meant as compliment or correction. I have no idea what he thinks of me, but I want him to think I'm decently intelligent and a precise, dedicated worker, so I try my best to be my best. It's just embarrassing when trying so hard to be my best turns me into a bumbling idiot, whether I'm awkwardly angling my hands to inject a mouse or trying to think out loud to answer a question.

Dr. B., I'm trying, really. Please don't think less of me for not knowing what to do.
Thanks,
Jessica