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My college ward has two girls for every boy. I was looking around in church today and thinking how pretty all of the girls were with their perfectly curled hair. I don't really have a chance. I'm not hideously ugly, but I'm not strikingly beautiful, either. Usually, people look right through me, and I just sit there and watch them with eyes conditioned by my characteristic silence. I don't mind. I'm not one for being concerned about taking part in the social scene. Things will work out. I just want to be me, and I am surprising myself by succeeding as of yet.

I don't quite know what to expect from college. I feel like I'm immersing myself in the culture. I plan to stay pretty busy, what with my intense schedule and (hopefully) research work (it'll total out to about twenty credits if I can manage to procure Mentored Research Experience hours). Aside from all that, though, I can honestly say that all I want is for someone to notice me (professionally, not romantically). I thrive on acknowledgement; I guess I'm the typical oldest child as far as all that is concerned. I'm never happier than when a teacher or other adult I admire takes the time to notice and/or compliment me. During Late Summer Honors, my professor told me that the dress I wore was "lovely," and I beamed for approximately one week after the fact. I don't need constant praise, but I feel loved and needed when you make small comments that let me know you know who I am. Acknowledgement isn't difficult, and one use of my name while speaking to me or a small comment on the way I look, think or speak will never fail to make my day. I hope my professors understand this. If not, I'm scared that I'll lose something--my self-esteem, my goals and desires, or my happiness. I'm scared that they'll treat me like a number, that they won't care whether or not I speak up in class or write a perfect paper.
I'm not a number, but if I'm consistently treated as such, I just might become one.
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