Reflection.

After pulling out of an on-campus parking lot the other day, I braked to let a few girls walk in front of my car. I watched them pass, absentmindedly analyzing their carefully chosen color combinations, and then my heart replaced my tongue. Shocked, I watched a brunette tuck a copy of my favorite novel into her bookbag. That's mine, I thought, in a flash of possessive indignation. I know every word of that text; my favorite parts are marked with love, tattooed into my mind's skin; the characters live in my subconscious memory, a series of emergent illusions only half mine. Can they be hers, too? Does she see herself in their eyes, or does she see me without knowing who I am?

Perspective.

Ever since school started, I've lived life in muted colors and organic light. I listen to acoustic guitar and jazz piano while wearing earth-toned dresses and argyle tights. My thin, meticulous script lines the pages of perfect assignment after perfect assignment before I allow myself to indulge--to enjoy fresh salsa, a crossword puzzle, or the occasional episode of Glee.

REALIZATION: I'm horridly, inescapably mellow.
COUNTER-REALIZATION: Last night reawakened my senses.

My soft, efficient little bubble is, on all accounts, perfect. But honestly, I'd forgotten how much fun sharp lines and bold pigments can be. I'd forgotten the euphoric, harsh adrenaline that comes with driving fast, windows down, blasting something with a beat--with edgy games at 4 AM, falling asleep with a guy I hardly know, and eating French Toast at noon when we wake up.

Driving back to my apartment, I put my headphones in. Instead of the usual Ingrid Michaelson or Iron and Wine, I chose Jay-Z.
It's going to be a good day.

Adulthood.

Paper rustles and I shift,
Patient, waiting here alone.
If I turn my head enough
I can see the next white room.
Screams of terror, fear, and pain
Mother’s reassurances
Thin, sharp needle, caught, then free
Band-aids and a goodbye kiss.
Goosebumps grow along my arms
Door creaks, and she’s far too near—

Tossing small talk in the air,
Colorful confetti words,
Frantic to distract myself
Yet I offer up my flesh
Smiling, like a blinded lamb,
Basest instincts tranquilized
Docile, I remain composed
Body soft, her needle poised
Metal penetrates my skin
Carves a hole into my arm,
Controlled trauma—it’s my fault
I’m grown up; I can’t react—

Child, at least you possess
The presence of mind to scream.

Taste.

Okay.
So I haven't had time to post like I thought I would.
I have 35 six to eight page parasitology papers sitting on my desk, screaming to be edited. I love editing papers. I just don't have the time. Hopefully I'll be finished by Tuesday, or my poor students are going to have to revise and resubmit on amphetamines.

I'm sick of having random lists of bloggable items everywhere, SO, at risk of ruining soon-to-be blog items, I'm posting my little list here. Be tantalized.

Kids and flu shots—presence of mind to scream
Seeing my own blood--chilling
Recipe construct. Simmer until cooked.
Ideas swirling under the surface, waiting to catch my conscious attention. Smoky tongues stick lightly, just enough so I can know they’re there.
Taking equations for granted
Seeing a random person with my favorite book
Taste for Arabic vocab
"All you need to do is challenge Jessica. She's so competitive, she'll do anything."
"Jessica's quiz answers are usually the gold standard against which I judge all other answers."
Time I spend with married men vs. time I spend dating
"My finger, the blue one--looks like I'm cooking crack."
Religion as a crutch

Hiatus...

I keep a list of things in the back of my mini planner to blog about.
It's about a page long, but last week I had three tests and three essays, so blogging has been de-prioritized.
I should have more time this week, though, and I want to catch up. :-)
I'm going to take a Molecular Biology test right now. In the meantime, amuse yourself with this e-mail from my friendly neighborhood physics lab TA. I laughed out loud. Maybe I should take the ALL CAPS APPROACH.

Sad.

Comment on my most recent philosophy essay quiz (no emphasis added; all كلم كلم):

"You write excellent quiz answers! You are obviously studying the material with serious intent!"

Sorry.
No.
I'm just a pre-med who has perfected the art of blitz memorization.

الاخبار

ما عنديش وقت

It is intellectually thrilling to be able to write in Arabic.
The statement above explains my recent lack of posts.
Not only is it spelled right, it is also grammatically correct.

:-)

Yep.

I should be nicer/more open to people. xkcd nails my typical reaction (as usual).
I actually had this exact exchange this week in the Wilkinson Center (only it wasn't a laptop, and the last panel took place in my head).


(original: xkcd.com/642)
It's not arrogance. Logically, it's confusion mixed with annoyance. You are interfering with my meticulously determined time management schedule. I know you're not interested. I'm definitely not interested. And I hate small talk. So back off. Thanks in advance. :-)

Thanks, Lee, for reminding me of this one!