Return.

To quote the third Lord of the Rings movie, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?"

I've been home for two days.

More than anything, I miss Jerusalem and my life in Israel.
Here in Provo, it's exactly like I've never left--the same people are in the same places doing the same things. I am different, and I find it difficult to reconcile my old life with my new self. I'm not an entirely changed person, but I have been altered just enough to make it hard to readjust. I'm a child's toy, a wooden shape trying to fit through a hole built exactly to fit, only to find that I'm no longer the size I once was. I've morphed into something just different enough that I don't fit into the space where I used to feel comfortable. I have gained balance and perspective, and where my life was once two-dimensional and linear, depth and shadow now fall across a spectrum of color.

Things I have done to reacquaint myself with my old life:
Eaten delicious, authentic Mexican food
Eaten sushi and edamame
Finished off season 5 of Lost
Hung out with my friends
Seen a movie without Semitic subtitles
Had my hair done
Gone shopping for normal clothes

Things I have done that reflect my new self:
Bought (and started) 365 Times crosswords
Started reading The Bell Jar and Atlas Shrugged
Captioned nearly two thousand travel photos

Things I have done that reflect an integration:
Started writing again


It's a process.