Violation.

Today a young Palestinian boy threw a rock at my face. It hit me just below my right eye, and in shock I quickly turned, hand fast at my stinging cheek. My crime is my existence, my blonde hair worn long and loose. Not an hour after the rock, while walking in the Old City, a teenage boy snuck up close behind me and blew into the side of my neck. It scared me half to death, and I felt my whole body flinch. He smirked and ran off with a group of his friends. On both occasions, I felt uncharacteristically violated.

I thought I had a decent grasp on the conflict in the Middle East, but I'm realizing that I am painfully deficient compared to many students here. During class, I revert to the role of Sponge. I soak everything in, and can't question or challenge because I don't yet have an intelligent basis for argument. I listen to others debate specifics, and my mind remains quiet. This scares me. Am I empty? Am I stupid? I have to remind myself that this isn't my area of expertise, that others have had extensive previous exposure to this subject matter. It's still discomforting. Similarly, the fact that I feel like I have no time to do homework (my classes are surprisingly intense, and for me, the material is all new) makes me nervous. I thoroughly enjoy my classes (Ancient Near Eastern History; Old Testament; Arab and Islamic Civilization/Culture; Judaism, Zionism and the State of Israel; and Arabic, which I start tomorrow), but I'm really going to have to buckle down and stop spending every free moment in the Old City. Understandably, I can't resist.